Finding My Own True Voice…Again

Written by Katie Blum-Katz

From Inspirational Ways to Succeed With ADHD, compiled and edited by Laurie Dupar, PMHNP, RN, PCC

Have you ever felt so terrific that everything, and I mean everything, felt just as it should be, whether you planned it or not? Those are the times when you are not stressed, you are not worried, and you feel like you are in the “flow” of life.

When I was 10, I found myself “in flow”—though I did not recognize it then—when singing. Singing was a wonderful experience that gave me so much joy. It started when I went to camp in the summers. I absolutely loved singing the camp songs. Later, I sang camp songs in the car on the way to family vacation spots. Though other siblings would sometimes join in, it was my mother who really encouraged me and enjoyed the fact that I knew all the words. She loved to sing as well. After a while, my siblings would tire of my singing, and eventually I would stop.

During high school, I babysat for kids who loved to play and sing Broadway musical songs, so we would sing the night and I always felt sad when those evenings ended.

At that time, my Church was progressive in allowing use of contemporary folk instruments at masses, so I sang while a friend of mine played guitar. And at my high school I sang in the glee club, loving every minute of it. My last year in high school, I took voice as an elective and learned that I was good at speaking to a large class. I was also told that my facial expressions were very dramatic, sometimes emphatic, and teachers would comment that I was “making a face”! What on earth did they mean? Obviously, I was naive about how I appeared to others, but I wondered why some people seemed to think I was being rude.

Later, in college, as a drama major, my first acting teacher told me that I had a pleasant speaking voice. Still, I never picked up on the fact that maybe my voice was one of my

talents that I should pursue. By this time, I had long forgotten my childhood days of singing, the enjoyment I derived from it, and the happiness and contentment as well.

In my early adult years, my voice was helpful in teaching, and ugly in disciplining. Though I did not sing very often at that time, I was occasionally asked to sing in friends’ and relatives’ weddings. Surprisingly, I never saw this as an expression of myself. Furthermore, at family gatherings, reunions, when out to dinner, and in public places, I was often told to “tone it down.” Even my mother told me that my voice was too loud in conversations: “Shhh . .. .” If I spoke up about a matter, it seemed others perceived me as shouting from the rooftops, and, clearly, I was not. What I consider my normal vocal volume, others consider too loud!

How could my voice, something that gave me great joy, peace and contentment, also be so “bad”? The answer is this: the gift of my voice is one of my greatest strengths. I had never realized it before. It was buried treasure. I had simply pushed away the obvious, and tried to focus on the 'shoulds’, instead of the self that has always been here.

I no longer bury the treasure that is my gift. I look forward to feehng satisfaction, success, and happiness from my gift once again. Thus, when I think about changing careers now, in the winter of my life, I consider broadcasting, singing,speaking and voice acting! My voice has been excavated for good: I have found my voice . , . again and forever.